I have been reflecting on my life and realize I have learned some really good lessons recently.The Sch club is a intense place and the people there are very different from me(boy howdy) and its a fine line for me to walk.I know there is something bugging a few of them and in the past I would of asked,perhaps even pushed.I have learned to not pick the chick out of the egg.Let it happen, be born.Rather it is a baby,a dream,a passion- just let it unfold.This makes for a win win for everyone.Important lessons.
Been spending time with my mom.Working on being present with her.We went and had a Root beer float last week and she thought that was good.
I am so tired as I have been canning,drying...... going to bed now
when it rains the work will die back some!!!
Friday, August 21, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
whew what a summer...
I am full.To the brim.
It has been a summer full of experiences.The twins were here for eight days and we had several days of fun.We went to the high country and hiked around, swam in several lakes.Oh such beauty...(I need to learn how to put pictures here).
We took Razz and he was in seventh heaven..Naked women.His kind of girl.I swear he IS a man in a dogs body...
We also went Kayaking and had a blast.I am such a water woman....moon in Scorpio and rising in Pisces..Also the river....so very yummy.I love how the water can touch all of me at the same time.The best lover I swear.......
Oberon isn't well.Right now he is limping on three out of four of his limbs and its painful to watch.I find myself emotionally unable to make good decisions about it so this morning when at the park, I asked a woman who I thought was in her 80"s if I could ask her a question.... I told her about his age and his pain.She clearly could see his love for me as he never took his eyes off me while we spoke.... I expressed my inability to know how to manage his pain.She looked at me,put her arms around me as tears ran down my face and said.... He knows what he is doing.... let his manage his own pain.I thought how silly of me...I have trusted him so much,followed him when I had no idea where the trail went...So why now do I think I need to take over? Good question.Part of it is I know what kind of dog he is and he who would drag himself if he thought I needed him.He loves me more then he loves himself by far.So I must respect that and understand that to the true depth he offers it and not ask of things which now will hurt him.Other parts are drifting into my brain...
I had a delicious time with my dad,other momma, sister and three nieces.We had a wonderful visit that I think left us all feeling like we were connected.I love all the nieces.
My freezer is full of peaches,strawberries,blueberries,blackberries....YUMMY.... I too the HR Training aids to Peter.No room here for death.Peaches from my own trees!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! weee haw!!!! Boy howdy.......
I found two new grinding holes last night.Small like my breast.
It has been a summer full of experiences.The twins were here for eight days and we had several days of fun.We went to the high country and hiked around, swam in several lakes.Oh such beauty...(I need to learn how to put pictures here).
We took Razz and he was in seventh heaven..Naked women.His kind of girl.I swear he IS a man in a dogs body...
We also went Kayaking and had a blast.I am such a water woman....moon in Scorpio and rising in Pisces..Also the river....so very yummy.I love how the water can touch all of me at the same time.The best lover I swear.......
Oberon isn't well.Right now he is limping on three out of four of his limbs and its painful to watch.I find myself emotionally unable to make good decisions about it so this morning when at the park, I asked a woman who I thought was in her 80"s if I could ask her a question.... I told her about his age and his pain.She clearly could see his love for me as he never took his eyes off me while we spoke.... I expressed my inability to know how to manage his pain.She looked at me,put her arms around me as tears ran down my face and said.... He knows what he is doing.... let his manage his own pain.I thought how silly of me...I have trusted him so much,followed him when I had no idea where the trail went...So why now do I think I need to take over? Good question.Part of it is I know what kind of dog he is and he who would drag himself if he thought I needed him.He loves me more then he loves himself by far.So I must respect that and understand that to the true depth he offers it and not ask of things which now will hurt him.Other parts are drifting into my brain...
I had a delicious time with my dad,other momma, sister and three nieces.We had a wonderful visit that I think left us all feeling like we were connected.I love all the nieces.
My freezer is full of peaches,strawberries,blueberries,blackberries....YUMMY.... I too the HR Training aids to Peter.No room here for death.Peaches from my own trees!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! weee haw!!!! Boy howdy.......
I found two new grinding holes last night.Small like my breast.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Oberon
Waiting for the lab work to come back.He doesn't want to put any weigh on it today and I think I am going to suffocate.I can hardly breathe today and the taste of panic coats my mouth.
I cant think straight and am fighting for calm.
I caught the July rattle snake in the yard on Sat night.That helped as I was a nervous wreck about the "coming july meeting".She is big,11 rattles.She wasnt happy about being caught but not as combative as the one last July.I have to go let her go this morning and will place her near a nice creek at Spenceville.
Oddly enough Bodie showed up here last night.He is working on a film about a woman medicine horse.I love to hear him sing and wonder why the universe brought him here.He wants to come walk and see the grindingholes and such.I have become so much more picky about who goes over there now.The chief of local tribe is no longer welcome here on this land and I am grateful to the spirits for clearing my heart about my responsibility about the place.I realize that it wasnt my place to make them want to come back and love their ancestors home.I only had to offer it.That feels so good to be clear about.
The twins will be here in 11 days.I am very excited to spend eight days with them.I think we will spend time with alot of water.
I ask the universe to not take Oberon now. I have to go get things cut off my back and I find it amazing that I am following him on this medical trail.I have always followed Oberon.I cant imagine my life without Oberon right now.
I need to pay attention.
I cant think straight and am fighting for calm.
I caught the July rattle snake in the yard on Sat night.That helped as I was a nervous wreck about the "coming july meeting".She is big,11 rattles.She wasnt happy about being caught but not as combative as the one last July.I have to go let her go this morning and will place her near a nice creek at Spenceville.
Oddly enough Bodie showed up here last night.He is working on a film about a woman medicine horse.I love to hear him sing and wonder why the universe brought him here.He wants to come walk and see the grindingholes and such.I have become so much more picky about who goes over there now.The chief of local tribe is no longer welcome here on this land and I am grateful to the spirits for clearing my heart about my responsibility about the place.I realize that it wasnt my place to make them want to come back and love their ancestors home.I only had to offer it.That feels so good to be clear about.
The twins will be here in 11 days.I am very excited to spend eight days with them.I think we will spend time with alot of water.
I ask the universe to not take Oberon now. I have to go get things cut off my back and I find it amazing that I am following him on this medical trail.I have always followed Oberon.I cant imagine my life without Oberon right now.
I need to pay attention.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
OBERON- MY FRIEND
In fifty one years I have met a lot of souls.I have not in my life experienced one like Oberon.I feel him wraped around my heart like a life force.I have followed him and he has led.I am honored.He trust me and reminds me daily I am worth his love.We dont lie to each other.We wake up everyday honoring one another in our lives.We stretch and I rub his belly when he rolls to his back.We discuss the day and together we start it.We are considerate of one another and respect each others strenghts, weaknesses.we are in love,we are about love.The love and respect we feel for each other is evident to everyone who sees us together.He is the one spirit in my life experience I have never lost respect for.No matter if he is in the truck or not, I feel him always with me.He has taught me about love, honestly,committment.I am forever grateful to him.
We went to see Tim today.First Tim poked it and looked at cells under scope.. red cells and a few weird ones.So they X-ray and of course Oberon isnt interested in laying still so we knock him out and do X-ray which shows what ever "it" is... has a good grip on his bone.So Tim carries him to other table and I comfort him while tim numbs lump and begins to cut.It is too attached to bone to remove so we get a small piece and send it off to lab.I hope we know by Sat.Oberon woke up and said lets go home so now he has a YELLOW(omg) bandage and is sound asleep.He was happy when he woke up and wanted to jump in truck...no way old man.
I have made the decision if it is as Tim thinks a cancer of some form... I will not cut his leg off to "save him" or give him more time.I can not widdle down my friend.But I beg the universe from the guts of my soul, please dont ask me to kill him.Anything else,I beg.
We went to see Tim today.First Tim poked it and looked at cells under scope.. red cells and a few weird ones.So they X-ray and of course Oberon isnt interested in laying still so we knock him out and do X-ray which shows what ever "it" is... has a good grip on his bone.So Tim carries him to other table and I comfort him while tim numbs lump and begins to cut.It is too attached to bone to remove so we get a small piece and send it off to lab.I hope we know by Sat.Oberon woke up and said lets go home so now he has a YELLOW(omg) bandage and is sound asleep.He was happy when he woke up and wanted to jump in truck...no way old man.
I have made the decision if it is as Tim thinks a cancer of some form... I will not cut his leg off to "save him" or give him more time.I can not widdle down my friend.But I beg the universe from the guts of my soul, please dont ask me to kill him.Anything else,I beg.
Monday, June 29, 2009
FROGGIES... MY room mates
I luv em... They escorted me from my bathroom to the porch last night and I had to just sit and watch them do their lives.So good at being frogs.
A new one in my bathroom sink appeared yesterday.I went to brush my teeth last night and he stuck his face out from the little hole.I put a spider in his sink, he gobbled it up and I couldn't keep from feeling such strong emotions.I so love the simple way of frogs.I have a lot to learn from them.
A new one in my bathroom sink appeared yesterday.I went to brush my teeth last night and he stuck his face out from the little hole.I put a spider in his sink, he gobbled it up and I couldn't keep from feeling such strong emotions.I so love the simple way of frogs.I have a lot to learn from them.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Rehab
Ah such a word.
REHAB.I am working with a dog who has had too much pressure on him and he wont track.He lays down, shuts down.Handler gets mad, shuts down,wont train dog.Circles.Everything circles.I take dog yesterday and play with him.I mean really get on ground,wet, dirty play with him.I set standards of how I will play and he willingly works within my boundaries.I tracked him.He did beautiful.Better then beautiful.He was stopping so fast on articles that his ass just about came over his head.He was so happy to be working WITH me he was willing to do anything.Handler didnt leave when I very sternly tell him to FUCK OFF when he even thinks about approaching dog...so I think ok, he is ready for the truth...This morning handler gets out happy.Dog sees me and is instantly ready to work/play.Dog tracks BEAUTIFUL today, on track, downs on all articles,kisses me(we made out on the track its true) and leave track when finished wanting to do more.Now THAT is what I am talking about!! My heart flies with eagles when I get it right with the dogs and they respond perfectly confirming my guts. I can so love dogs... wish I could get it to transfer to humans... Dogs dont lie.That is so where I get hung up....
Twins will be here in a month and I am so excited.They will b e flying out so they can spend 8 days here.We are going to the high country,going to rent Kayaks one day... and river, eat, smoke, laugh.I am so excite to see them.Eight whole days!! Sad Rowan wont be here but that is her choice.
Laurie is going to come stay with dogs while we go to hot springs and such.YES!!
OK,Lance here and we are working on black berries today.Been canning/freezing like nuts. So much fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! plums off of my own treesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
REHAB.I am working with a dog who has had too much pressure on him and he wont track.He lays down, shuts down.Handler gets mad, shuts down,wont train dog.Circles.Everything circles.I take dog yesterday and play with him.I mean really get on ground,wet, dirty play with him.I set standards of how I will play and he willingly works within my boundaries.I tracked him.He did beautiful.Better then beautiful.He was stopping so fast on articles that his ass just about came over his head.He was so happy to be working WITH me he was willing to do anything.Handler didnt leave when I very sternly tell him to FUCK OFF when he even thinks about approaching dog...so I think ok, he is ready for the truth...This morning handler gets out happy.Dog sees me and is instantly ready to work/play.Dog tracks BEAUTIFUL today, on track, downs on all articles,kisses me(we made out on the track its true) and leave track when finished wanting to do more.Now THAT is what I am talking about!! My heart flies with eagles when I get it right with the dogs and they respond perfectly confirming my guts. I can so love dogs... wish I could get it to transfer to humans... Dogs dont lie.That is so where I get hung up....
Twins will be here in a month and I am so excited.They will b e flying out so they can spend 8 days here.We are going to the high country,going to rent Kayaks one day... and river, eat, smoke, laugh.I am so excite to see them.Eight whole days!! Sad Rowan wont be here but that is her choice.
Laurie is going to come stay with dogs while we go to hot springs and such.YES!!
OK,Lance here and we are working on black berries today.Been canning/freezing like nuts. So much fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! plums off of my own treesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
WOMEN IN BLACK -INSIDE ME
I thought of them as I drove in and saw the farmers over in the grinding hole area.I wished them inside me to calm my hurt,my frustration.
I packed my pipe and went over to the rock to sit and think of the women in black and how they stand quietly.silent yet in full protest..
So I crawled up on the rock and sat.I looked over at them and they saw me there and stopped to talk to each other.
I tried as Laurie said to feel compassion for them.The young mexican woman is lovely and I imagine there is some pain in what she is doing because she knows.She is native to Mexico.It is in her blood.
But the tractor drivers are hard to have compassion for.I told them about the site.I explained the sacredness of it.
I packed my pipe and went over to the rock to sit and think of the women in black and how they stand quietly.silent yet in full protest..
So I crawled up on the rock and sat.I looked over at them and they saw me there and stopped to talk to each other.
I tried as Laurie said to feel compassion for them.The young mexican woman is lovely and I imagine there is some pain in what she is doing because she knows.She is native to Mexico.It is in her blood.
But the tractor drivers are hard to have compassion for.I told them about the site.I explained the sacredness of it.
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