LIVING WELL IS GOOD MEDICINE

SOMETIMES IT FEELS JUST PERFECT WHEN YOU SEE YOUR X AND YOU JUST HAPPEN TO LOOK GREAT....AND SMELL EVEN BETTER...JUST THE WAY HE LIKED....
SOMETIMES IF IT IS REVENGE ONES SEEKS....
LIVING WELL IS THE BEST WAY.

OUR LIVES TOUCHED TODAY
AND IT DIDNT BURN

HEART OF STONE

I AM A COLLECTOR OF HEARTS. STONE HEARTS .ONLY BLACK ONES...THEY THROW THEM SELVES AT ME AND SOME DEMAND TO BE PICKED UP, SOME CARRIED AWAY. I NEVER BRING HOME A WHITE HEART. I AM NOT INTERESTED IN THE WHITE. I AM INTERESTED IN THE SHADOW WHERE THE COLORS ARE SO DEEPLY EMBEDDED IN ONE ANOTHER ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO BE ANYTHING BUT BLACK.
I AM OFTEN FOOLED BY STONES. SOME WILL LOOK LIKE A HEART..BUT ITS ONLY THE ONE BESIDE IT HIDING A SHARP EDGE, BROKEN CHIP.AND WHEN EXPOSED AND ALONE, THERE IS NO HEART. BUT COMBINED, I FIND HEARTS EVERYWHERE. I HAVE A HEART ROCK GARDEN. THE CREEPING THYME IS NOW COVERING EACH HEART ROCK.
ISNT THAT FUNNY IN A ODD SORT OF WAY... THYME COVERING HEARTS UP... MY OWN HEART COVERED ....BUT NOT BY INSURANCE SO I AM NOW MORE CAREFUL WHERE I TAKE IT AND ALLOW IT TO ROMP ON ITS OWN

HOME WITH NO CHORES DONE

BEAUTIFUL CLOUDS ROLLED THRUGH GIVING SPACE TO THE BLUE SKY EVERY NOW AND THEN.I TOOK A LONG BATH IN THE OUTSIDE TUB AND ACTUALLY WAS ABLE TO GET OUT BEFORE WAY TO LONG.I GET ANXIOUS WHEN I HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE WATER AND FIND EVERY POSSIBLE EXCUSE TO STAY THERE.LEADS ME TO WONDER ABOUT MY BIRTH AND HOW I WANTED TO STAY INSIDE MY MOMMA.

THERE ARE SEVERAL THINGS TO GET DONE THIS WEEK.I HAVE TO CALL THE LAND TRUST AND SEE ABOUT A MEETING WITH THEM AND THE TRIBE.I THINK THE FIRST STEP IS TO LOCATE/DEFINE THE AREAS WE WANT SAFE NO MATTER WHAT.. LOL... AS IF ANYTHING IS SAFE.

MY PUP RAN A AWESOME TRACK ON APPLET AT THE FAIR GROUNDS TODAY AND HE DID IT WITH A YOUNG KID RIDING HIS LITTLE DUNE BUGGY ALL AROUND US.AYK LEFT FOUR PIECES OF FOOD ON TRACK.HE WORKED IT REALLY NICE..HE IS GROWING INTO HIMSELF.

TOO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.

YOU KNOW HOW IT IS WHEN THE WORLD IS SWIRLING AROUND WAY TO FAST AND ITS ALL YOU CAN DO TO JUST STAY UP RIGHT? YEA.. THAT'S IT. NOT BAD,NOT GOOD,JUST SWIRLING.FAST
MANY THOUGHTS ON THE FRONT LINE AND ALL OF THEM BEING POLITE.. YOU GO FIRST, NO YOU... SO ITS ALL BACKED UP AND THE ONLY THING FOR SURE IS THAT I NOW FEEL MORE SORRY FOR HIM THEN I DO FOR MYSELF.THAT IS A MILE STONE FOR THIS GIRL.AFTER YEARS I STILL AM TRYING TO UNTANGLE IT ALL. FIND OUT WHY I DID WHAT I DID AND HOW TO CLEAN IT ALL UP SO LONG AFTER THE SPILL.I AM LONELY IN A ODD WAY.HOWEVER, THE REALITY OF MY LAST BAD CHOICE AND THE DAMAGE IT DID IS STILL RESOUNDING THROUGH MY LIFE SO I SIT ON THE SIDE LINE WATCHING AND WAITING .....FOR SOMETHING I HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT. SO IT MIGHT OF ALREADY COME BY...MAYBE SEVERAL TIMES AND I DIDN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE IT.... THOUGHTS SHIFTING LIKE THE CURRENT IN A FAST MOVING RIVER.
I SAW LITTLE SISTER TODAY.SHE SMELLS LIKE HOPE ETERNAL.I COULD SNIFF HER LITTLE HEAD FOR DAYS.SUCH A HAPPY BABY.HER MOMMA IS DOING A AWESOME JOB AND IS A INSPIRATION TO WATCH WITH HER PUPPY..
WATER FLOWS
WARM LIKE
YOUR ARMS ROUND ME
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

PLANTS, DOGS,WOMEN,LIFE,DEATH,AND A PASSION FOR MORE.

AHHHHHHHH SOMETIMES....... I JUST WANT TO FOLD.SOMETIMES THE DESIRE TO WORK THROUGH THINGS IS EH=XHAUSTING AND I WOULD JUST AS SOON SLEEP

LISTENING TO THE VOICES OF THE OLD WOMEN......

LISTENING FOR DIRECTION ABOUT MY LAND, MY HOME, MY PLACE OF PRAYER.THERE USED TO BE MANY MAIDU PEOPLE HERE.THEIR FOOTPRINTS STILL HERE. TODAY I SPOKE WITH THE HEAD OF THE TRIBE AND HE SAID THIS WAS ONE OF THE BIGGEST SIGHT THEY KNEW ABOUT.WE SPOKE ABOUT MY POTENTIAL POND SITE AND HE SAID NO,THE PLACE WAS TOO SPECIAL.I SAT AT HIS FEET LISTENING,FEELING LIKE I WAS LISTENING/TALKING WITH MY FATHER,MY SPIRITUAL TEACHER. I AM SO DRAWN TO HIM AND UNTIL TODAY I AM SURE HE COULD FORGET MY NAME EASILY.HOWEVER TODAY HE ACKNOWLEDGED MY RESPECT AND HONORING THE PLACE AND NOT DIGGING TO STEAL THINGS FROM THEIR RESTING PLACES. ITS BIGGER THEN ME,MY LIFE AND I AM HUMBLED,HONORED TO BE HERE AMONG THEM. I LISTEN AS QUIETLY AS I CAN FOR THE VOICES OF THE OLD WOMEN, FOR DIRECTION, FOR CLARITY.

LOVE DRUG

I NEVER HAVE LEARNED THE RECIPE
FOR THE PLEASURE WITH OUT PAIN DIET.
THE ECSTASY I FOUND IN YOU
DIDN'T SOFTEN THE LONG DROP
FROM THE HEIGHTS OF WHICH
YOU COULD TRANSPORT ME.
LIKE ANY ADDICTING DRUG
YOU WERE HARD TO RESIST
AND HARDER TO KICK.
YOU INVADED EVERY ASPECT OF MY BEING
TOOK OVER MY THOUGHTS,ACTIONS,DESIRES
YOU MY FIRST AND LAST THOUGHT OF EVERYDAY.
YEARS LATER...I THINK MAYBE JUST A LITTLE BIT,
PERHAPS FROM THE SIDE LINES I'LL WATCH...
BUT ITS JUST THE ADDICT TALKING
AND I FEEL THE POWER OF THE DRUG
SURGING THROUGH ME-SWEET TALKING
AH YES, I KNOW THAT DRUG CALLED LOVE
AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY..
ONCE A ADDICT ALWAYS A ADDICT...

RING AROUND THE MOON

THE FULL MOON ARRIVED AND WAS GREETED WITH A RING OF CLOUDS,CIRCLING AROUND SAYING POESY'S POESY'S WE ALL FALL DOWN


I FEEL SO LAZY AND CRAZY AND RESTLESS....


SITTING HERE IN THE DARK I CAN HEAR THE MOSQUITOES EATERS CRASHING IN TO THE CEILING.


MY FRIEND ASKED IF I WAS OVER IT.I SAID NO.I AM NOT LINEAL AND THINGS ARE ALL HAPPENING AT THE SAME TIME FOR ME I FEEL THE YOUNG GIRL AS WELL AS THE OLD WOMAN INSIDE ME. IT CAN BE INTENSE TO TIME TRAVEL SO MUCH.



THE BATHTUB IS A WONDERFUL PLACE TO SLEEP. I HAVE BEEN SLEEPING IN TUBS FOREVER. I LOVE LETTING THE WARMTH OF IT TO LULL ME TO SLEEP AND FIND MY BEST SLEEP HAPPENS THERE. I ROLL OVER, LAY FACE DOWN AND LET IT SWALLOW ME. I HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT I WOULD DROWN WHEN I LEAVE THIS BODY. HOWEVER I AM NEVER NERVOUS OF THAT WHILE SLEEPING IN THE TUB. OTHERS WORRY ABOUT IT.

MY GARDEN IS GROWING SO WELL I CAN HEAR IT FROM HERE.



HERE IS A POEM FOR YOU MY FRIEND.MY FANTASIES...


today i imagined you
looked at me
and told me
i was a good woman.
and it wasn't my fault
or yours.
Today i imagined you
returned my heart
unbroken.

RING AROUND THE MOON

THE FULL MOON ARRIVED AND WAS GREETED WITH A RING OF CLOUD

RING AROUND THE MOON

THE FULL MOON ARRIVED AND WAS GREATED WITH RING OF CLOUD

A FROG,A TOAD ...WHAT THE HELL

I wouldn't give a dime for a frog but would pay ten bucks for a toad if offered one...I haven't seen a toad up here in forever plus a day.They are as rare as porcupines.
Its overcast in the sky and my heart today.I think I am having a Scorpio moon over load where the emotions are playful.. in their own way...except it feels like a hang over..more later...i need water.......................................more water.

DIPPING FINGERS IN THE BOWL

ALWAYS WANTING A TASTE, I FIND MYSELF OFTEN IN TROUBLE FOR DIPPING INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S BOWL,PILE,,BED.. ITS JUST THAT I HAVE TO KNOW FOR MYSELF HOW IT IS... SECOND HAND NEWS ISN'T MUCH BETTER THEN SECOND HAND SMOKE.IT CERTAINLY CAN CAUSE AS MUCH DAMAGE.SO PERHAPS I DO DIP WHERE I SHOULD NOT.....I THINK IT WAS TOM ROBBINS WHO SAID THE ONLY TRUE APHRODISIAC WAS STRANGE STUFF... NOW ONE CAN... OR I.... CAN TAKE THAT MANY WAYS AND AS A TRAILING K9 HANDLER I FIND MY SELF WANTING TO CHECK ALL THE DIRECTIONS... JUST IN CASE...
I ENTERTAIN MYSELF WITH THOUGHTS OF BOY TOYS... BUT THE REALITY IS I HAVEN'T SEEN A MAN WITH ENOUGH NERVE TO TAKE ME ON IN A LONG TIME.THAT IS MORE DISTURBING THEN THE REALITY OF NOT BEING IN LUST AT THIS MOMENT.WHERE IS THE LUST IN OUR MEN? IT IS SCARY.VERY. ITS ONE THING TO BE A MALE AND GAY.. IT IS QUITE ANOTHER THING TO BE A MAN WITH NO NERVE.NO SEX DRIVE. BEJESUS HAVE WE TAKEN IT ALL OUT OF THEM? I AM WILLING TO PRACTICE WITH NO LICENSE AND LET THEM PLAY IN MY THERAPY SAND BOX WITH MY TOYS. IT CAN BE QUITE ENTERTAINING.THE MOON IS STILL IN SCORPIO AND I FEEL DANGEROUS. POETRY READING THIS EVENING AT THE RIDGE STOP AND I AM FEELING SO HUNGRY I MIGHT HAVE ME A BITE OR TWO... OF THOSE SOFT FLESHY HIPPIE BOYS WHO ENTERTAIN THOUGHTS OF ME IN THEIR ARMS...MORE LATER.THE WEED EATER CALLS.

singing songs

I SAW HIM TODAY.
I SAW HIS FACE.
IT WAS THE FACE I LOVED
AND I KNEW.... I HAD TO GET AWAY...

AH REMEMBER THE GOOD OLD DAYS OF SUNNY AND CHER...


OR ... WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT??? GOT TO DO WITH IT???
TINA TURNER...

SOMETIMES LIVING THROUGH THINGS IS BY FAR A WORSE SENTENCE THEN GETTING TO GET OFF THE PLANE IN MID FLIGHT.
I SAW A OLD FRIEND TODAY.OR PERHAPS I COULD/SHOULD REFER TO THIS PERSON AS A FREIGHT TRAIN IN MY LIFE. A BOLDER IN MY POND THAT KEEPS RESOUNDING OUT. EITHER WAY ITS ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT IS SO GOOD I WAIT YEARS FOR AND IS SO PAINFUL IT DISABLES ME MOMENTARILY OR LONGER....ITS A GLIMPSE INTO WHAT I HAD AND LOST FOR WHAT EVER REASON.BUT HAVING TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE GREATNESS OF IT EVEN IN ITS DEATH STAGES.OUCH.I JUST REREAD WHAT I HAD WRITTEN AND IT WAS IN THIRD PERSON SO I WENT BACK AND CHANGED IT.THAT IS HOW FAR I WANT TO BE FROM IT... I TALK IN THIRD PARTY AS IF THAT WILL CREATE EMOTIONAL DISTANCE FROM MY SELF.... AH THE GAMES PEOPLE PLAY..MOSTLY WITH OUR SELVES.
MY GARDEN IS BEAUTIFUL AND A INCREDIBLE SENSE OF PLEASURE FOR ME.IT IS EVIDENT THAT I HAVE EXCHANGED HUMAN COMPANIONSHIP FOR PLANTS,PLACE, CRITTERS.I FEEL SO MUCH SAFER. I NO LONGER AFTER TURNING FIFTY AM CONCERNED ABOUT LONGEVITY. I AM WANTING QUALITY.
THE MOON IS IN SCORPIO AND I FEEL SO CRAZY.I FEEL LIKE A CAT IN HEAT AND AM KNOWING I NEED TO STAY CLOSE TO HOME IN TIMES LIKE THIS NO NEED TO BE CALLING TROUBLE....AH WHAT I WOULD DO TO TROUBLE TODAY.... I WOULD LITE ITS BOOTS ON FIRE,STEAL ITS PANTS ..... OH FULL MOON IN SCORPIO AND I FEEL SO CRAZY

water everywhere

its everywhere i look and the frogs are coming from every direction to have some...I have put frogs out of the house every night now for six days. once there were two in the bathroom in one night. they were having a party.Doing laps in the the dogs water bowl. Ever notice what nice shoulders frogs have? swimmers. i love frog parties.they don't require a lot of preparation.
the rain birds sometimes sound like rattlesnakes and it catches me off guard.. Although after my recent capture and housing of one rattlesnake for a week I am not as afraid as usual.. i hope that serves me well.
My roommates for the record are three male dogs.I KNOW...THREE MALES? WHAT AM I THINKING... i guess i am making up for the lack of human males in my life...more on THAT subject later...
Its may and fire season is upon us and already i am nervous and very careful. so i dance in the water and celebrate its willingness to just keep flowing down hill.
i love and so therefore i am .i will. i do. a small poem for my opening blog page...


its all there inside
like a seed
sleeping
until the right ingredients
appear.
then there is nothing to stop
the sprout