VALENTINES DAY

The day of love drew me
like a flame in the wind
to the banks of your creek
where the sound of waters
rushing over rock and moss
soothed my hungry heart.
Walking hand and land
through giant oaks,
their naked arms reaching '
out for my touch.
I wrapped my arms tight
around the girth of your being,
suck the heat that refected back the suns kiss.
Gifts of turtle shell
grace my walk.
feeling close
to my lover,
spenceville wildlife.

thought provocating-

What you have become is the price you paid to get what you used to want.-
Mignon Mc Laughlin


WOW... YES. WHO I AM- A WOMAN LIVING ALONE WITH MY DOGS- HAPPY, NICE LAND THAT I LOVE, A FEELING OF CALMNESS-A BIG SENSE OF COMPLETION AFTER BEING ABLE TO BE A SUCCESSFUL SAR K9 HANDLER- A POET- A WOMAN .A DOG TRAINER
WHAT IT COST ME: MY COMMUNITY,MY FAMILY,MY MARRIAGE,MY FALSE SENSE OF SAFETY,SECURITY.MY INSECURE THOUGHTS OF CAN I DO THIS ALONE??
WHAT DID I WANT? A LOVER FOR ME,A TRUE SENSE OF SELF,SAFETY, TO BE A K9 TRAINER, TO COME GO WITH NO PROBLEMS,TO SLEEP SOUNDLY.
WOW... THAT IS SUCH A INTENSE STATEMENT... THE TOP ONE. WOW

Rolling thunder inside my being

Its rumbling and rolling and i feel it shifting things way down inside me. Waves from the movment cause flooding in my soul and areas of deep thinking are forming..I feel like rich dark chocolate with almonds.And strawberries. Stirrings- ripplings-cravings-desires-I feel the scorpio moon inside me,urging me on, teasing,taunting,acting like coyote, like morning love,hot baths under the sky.I feel life reinventing its self inside me.
I am now ready for you. I dont know who you are, I dont even know if you are a boy or a girl in terms of parts... but i am ready to introduce myself, expose myself,share myself.
Foxes bark and whistle to each other and i feel wild all over my skin.
There is this human around and he is so ready to be picked, enjoyed but i must and i repeat, I must hold my sit stay and not become involved simply because he has a cock and we all know what fun those are to play with...That is the only reason i am not a boy...I would play with mine all the time... all the time. I swear. I would never get anything done.

broken hearts, broken dreams

My little sister Beth lost her baby yesterday morning.He was 23 weeks in uterine and weighed 1.2 lbs and was 12 inches long. The prints of his feet are about a inch long and perfect.We were all so excited about this little boy coming into our lives.Our hearts are broken.I feel horrible for my little sister and her husband Jeremy.She had a infection and it caused her water to break. So they left the baby with her for a while and I think they made their peace with him.I went to SAC airport and picked up my step mom(her mom-same dad) and took her to the hospital where we visited with her and Penny, my 2 yr old niece.She was full of life and laughter and I was really glad she was there.Beth had a fever that spiked -103.4 early yesterday morning that caused them to hurry the labor.She seemed fine last night but then all of a sudden it went septic.Her temperature dropped to 94 and they put her in IC. I feel sad and scare for my sister.She was like my first baby.I was 12 when she was born and we shared a room immediately.Oh I cooed her.fed.bathe,changed her.I really loved her.They are going to keep her for a WEEK! I do not want her to die and it scares me that she could get a worse infection in there...

whew..

The dreams are coming at full speed and most of them include Colin. I realize that I have not healed after our divorce and now he haunts me in my dreams.In the last two months, my sleeping pattern has really changed and I have gone from only sleeping about 6 hours a night to a easy eight.I have NEVER SLEPT that much in my entire life.Sometimes ninc hours.Am I depressed or healing? With my smoke intake being very low I think that comes into play concernng my dreams.I either am dreaming more or just remembering them.But maybe its because I am now sleeping long enough to dream in the first place. eitherway, some of the dreams bring up a lot of crap... Stuff to work out in my day time waking.
My youger sisiter is on the verge of loosing her second child. She is now in hospital threatening to abort... I say if the baby is trying to be born, allow it.I think it sounded good at first but the reality is bad bad bad for her.It was so different with me but then I was 16 and she is almost forty so I guess she needs more help.For me it was always well you made your bed, now lay in it...Then they stole my children...
I got a letter from Colin last night telling me it wasnt his intentions to be mean to me... I wonder who is in charge of his intentions. Obviously not him.. That was why he was in my dreams.I went to bed upset by the letter.

morning in spencville

in the bed of the creek
i bared my breast,
laid down my spirit
was taken by the current
swept down in perfect
time with the world around.
felt the touch of grass,twig
against my skin,
watched the sky melt by
with hawk above.

dreams haunt me

feelings of bird like vulture
circling the white bleached bones of concrete
for ones still alive
buried under the bitter wine
made from grapes of wrath
where proverty is served up daily
in the sunshine.
waiting for someone
to listen closely
for cries mouthed with dust
and broken limbs
the people of haiti
weeping for the sound of their
loved ones buried to soon