looking forward beyond my past

"sometimes you got to look back to know where you are going",I said today to no one inparticular, while out walking in spenceville alone...that its a good thing I love life-otherwise it wouldnt be worth living.When I said that I was thinking of the whole thing.Not the beginning or end but the journey and with that came the end of the journey in this body and I think its a groovy thing.I love the composting and what its births.Dying to be reborn.
The relaxing into myself.I am becoming more and more human and its painful but I know if its not done this time,I might have to repeat this human form again. I am finally getting them,us,me.
As I said, its painful.
Going through the birth canal of a new process and am just breathing and keeping the brain relaxed.Remembering to loosen my toes, my fingers,to let the current carry me through.I float better if I dont struggle. I love my life in all of its complex and simple ways.I feel like I can finally own it in terms of being very comfortable in my skin, my sleep, my waking.
I rolled down a hill yesterday when I was at spenceville.Just layed down and rolled.It felt so good to be in the arms of my mother,my friend,my soul mate.I wondered if it looked funny to the hawks who were above me.Did they think it was a death roll? When it fact I just wanted to get her all over me,surround myself with the smell, the dirt,the grass in my hair.I wanted to dress like her.